For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom more than anything. Before settling down, I yearned for a stable relationship, a cozy home, and a big family. For the chance to nurture, raise, and love my babies. While I never lost faith in that dream, I certainly questioned what the future had in store at times. If I could return to my pre-motherhood days, I’d encourage myself to enjoy the journey and trust in the process. Even more, I’d plead with the woman I was before I had kids to have compassion and grace for myself.
To the Woman I Was Before I Had Kids
This one’s for you, my former self . . . the woman I was before I had kids. To the woman reading this, may it also speak to your heart.
Dear Pre-Motherhood Me,
I hope this letter finds you comforted. You’ve always been clear on exactly what you’re longing for, but you’ve had your fair share of blurred vision and plenty of tears. I know you don’t know it now, but you have much more ahead. Just wait.
I know your heart has been heavy with anticipation and yearning, but it won’t be like this forever.
I know you see happy families and wonder when you’ll get to build your own, but you will. And when you do, it’ll be perfectly yours. Greater than your wildest dreams come true.
I know you go to bed at night looking up at the star-filled sky and wondering where in the world your person is. Wondering what your children will be like. Wondering when you’ll get to meet them. To hold them. To cherish them. Trust me . . . your time will come. Theirs will, too.
You Will Take a Victory Lap
I know you feel behind others close in age. As if you’re running a marathon, or at the very least, a never-ending but somehow yet-to-begin race. Trust me, though. Your victory lap still awaits. This isn’t it. There’s more.
I know you ponder whether you’re on the right track. If where you are now will somehow lead you to where you want to be. Trust me, it will. Just keep going. And go easy on yourself along the way.
You see, my dear, former me, the best is yet to come. It may not feel like it now, but it is. Trust me.
One day, you’ll reflect on your path, and it all makes sense. I promise.
Your 20s aren’t going to waste. No, dear, they’re shaping you and preparing you. Priming you. Those years of questioning, wondering, yearning, and longing? They’re building you up for who you’re becoming — and everything that’s coming.
Because, my dear, former me, it’s coming.
And before you know it, you’ll find yourself settling down. Maybe not where you’ve been envisioning yourself, but where you’re meant to be.
Before long, you’ll see those two pink lines. You’ll meet your beautiful baby girl. And not long after, your precious baby boy. They’ll be everything. You may not believe it now. In fact, you still may not believe it then. Because it’ll all be so, so good. You’ll realize that maybe they’ve been waiting for you, too. You’ll see.
You’ll Find a New Nonstop
Before long, your nonstop days spent doing things your way — and those quiet, restless nights — will become a new nonstop. One filled with going, going, going for everyone else but you, tossing and turning just as much. Only this time while soothing brand-new humans. One in each arm, rocking and holding and snuggling and lullaby-singing.
Tiny voices say “Mama” as their arms reach for yours. You’ll brush bouncy blonde ringlets while you stare into the biggest brown and brightest blue eyes, and they’ll stare right back just as lovingly. You’ll finally know of this love everyone talks about . . . everyone except for, seemingly, you. And it’ll be even greater than you can imagine.
All the while, you’ll look back and scratch your head at some of the choices you’re making in this season of waiting. Every move, every job, every relationship and situation, and everything in between. You’ll wonder who you even were then — before this great big love — while simultaneously longing for little bits of that free-spirited, carefree, suddenly long-gone (but really still there, deep down inside) pre-motherhood you (or shall I say me?).
Because your past and your future self will always evolve. Coexist. Be there. Grow. Your path won’t always make sense. But you’ll make it to where you’ve always wanted to be. Just wait. Truly, my former self, you’ll see.
You’ll Find Strength and Joy
In all that awaits, you’ll discover your greatest joys alongside your greatest tests of strength. You’ll find that strength; oh, you’ll find it. And alongside it, you’ll discover a love, grit, perseverance, and faith within you that you’ve never known. But somehow, it’s been there all along. Along your journey, you’ll rediscover yourself. Again and again.
And despite your wildest dreams coming true, you’ll continue to wonder if you’re doing things right. Succeeding in your motherhood. While also succeeding in being not-just-a-mom you. You won’t always feel like you’re doing things right, but you are. Trust me.
Because, my dear former self, I know you. I’ve known you all along because I’ve been there all along. You’ve been there all along. You in all your strength, love, big dreams, highs and lows, and yearning.
To the woman I was before I had kids, you’ve come a long way and have an incredible journey ahead. You’ve never given up, and it’ll only continue to go up from here. So, wherever your journey leads you — and soon enough, those precious babies you’ve prayed your whole life for — please know you’ve got this. Always.
Just trust me.
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